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It’s okay to be not okay! About the courage to address mental health and taboo topics

Photo: Ruth

When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade out of it. Sounds simple…but unfortunately it is not always so. Karin and Ruth write in this article about their strokes of fate and scars that have shaped them into the women they are today. Strong, self-confident and happy, they talk about taboo topics such as mental health and miscarriages and give other women the courage to get through difficult times.

Turning one’s own supposed weakness into strength – Thanks to my own scars I strengthen others

“I will never marry because no man finds me desirable, let alone loves me” was one of my lies – I declared war on it and banished it from my life – today I am happily married and have two wonderful boys!

I have made my vision into my profession. I am a therapeutic counsellor (i.e.) and non-medical practitioner, limited to the field of psychotherapy,” Karin (32, from Ebsdorf) proudly tells us. For a long time, Karin would never have thought that this would happen. Her childhood was anything but easy, and at one point she even believed that she would never have a happy future and partnership.

“Why can’t I look like others?!” When the soul also gets scars

“I have already experienced a lot in my relatively young life myself. I was born with a so-called complete cleft lip and palate, which means that the upper palate was completely missing at birth, as well as the “intermediate part” of the lip under the nose. Numerous operations were necessary, so that today I can live an almost symptom-free life.

This time has not passed me by without leaving a mark: Bullying, low self-esteem, hardly any self-confidence. There were times when I simply hated myself and my body. “Why can’t I look like the others? Why in the middle of my face two scars, where you look immediately. I will never meet a man – because who can love a woman with two scars on her face?”. I tried to compensate for my optical deficiency by performance, by studying a lot and (almost) always getting good grades.

Photo: Karin

It’s okay not to be okay!

The result: at the age of 24 I had an exhaustion depression and even had to go to a clinic for a few weeks. But it was my turnaround. I was allowed to learn that I am OK the way I am. And I am allowed to dream and to put my dreams into practice. And so, my journey into my real life began. It was not an easy path and was also marked by some setbacks, but this path was worth it. I have taken the alternative practitioners for psychotherapy and am currently in further training to become a therapeutic counsellor.

As a therapeutic counsellor I make others strong today

Today I accompany young women who are in search of themselves. I work in a resource-oriented way and enjoy discovering the potential of these women. I share my experiences in lectures, seminars and sermons to encourage other women that there is a life in freedom. I myself know that bullying, feelings of inferiority and co leave scars on the soul. And it takes time for those scars to heal. But you have the possibility to live a wonderful life with these scars and to fight the lies you might have told yourself for many years!

Karin’s #girlsforgirls tip: You are valuable the way you are!

You are valuable and there is so much potential in you! Stop comparing yourself to others, because there will always be someone who is better than you in your eyes – but hey! Yes, maybe the other one is more musical than you, but you might be much better at drawing. Focus on what you are good at and start dreaming!

Photo: Karin

We need to talk more about issues like Mental Health! – Ruth writes about this

“In 2015, I started having bad anxiety and increased panic attacks. As a result, I had to drop out of college and I was barely capable of any social interaction. Here I experienced first-hand that hardly anyone knew anything about mental health and many prejudices were circulating,” Ruth (28, from Berlin) tells us. “Thank God I had people in my closest circle who were wonderfully supportive, but I was often met with a lack of understanding. A few years later, I realized that I would like to write about such topics that affect many people and yet are not talked about enough.

Photo: Ruth also writes about topics like miscarriages

Drawing attention to taboo subjects

Writing is not only my profession, it’s my passion, especially when it comes to giving a voice to people who otherwise wouldn’t be heard.” Ruth is an editor and founded the blog “The strength of her”. “I also enjoy writing about topics that have not attracted as much attention in our society so far. These include mostly things I’ve experienced myself – anxiety, panic attacks, faith in God, the beauty and challenges of being a mom, and suffering a miscarriage.

“A star child is a deceased child who died before, during or shortly after birth. One in four women suffers a miscarriage. I never thought I would be one of them.

I was nine weeks pregnant and we were already looking forward to the baby, imagining the future and thinking about what it would be like when our daughter became a big sister. And then I started to bleed. At first we didn’t think anything of it, because I was young, healthy and a week earlier it had already happened once.

But this time it did not stop bleeding.
The doctor looked me in the eye when told me that our baby had not grown for about a week and that she had not been able to find a heartbeat and only a little amniotic fluid. She explained to me in a very clear and friendly manner that there was nothing I could have done differently to prevent it, but there was also no explanation why it had happened.

Our baby no longer had a heartbeat. We now had two options: Wait for a natural miscarriage or have a curettage at the hospital. We decided on the former. The next two weeks were draining and full of mental and physical pain.

 Our hearts were broken. How was life just going to go on? Why had this happened? Was I really not to be blamed for it? Many questions flew through my mind.

God was and is my support.
During this time, I felt closer to God than ever before. He was around me and with me, in my pain and sorrow. He showed us that it had been a boy and gave us the name Nathan, which means “gift of God.” And though we mourned the time we would never have with him, we were grateful that we had been allowed to be Nathan’s parents, however briefly.”

A Blog for Heroines – Like You and Me

On my blog I tell stories of women who become inconspicuous heroines in everyday life. I believe that women are unfortunately still often overlooked and smiled at, but that each of them has already overcome things in life, which are not only a sign of their strength, but can also be an encouragement to others. That’s why I decided to tell the stories of these women. Stories of women, like you and me. Stories of women who are both ordinary and remarkable. Stories of women who have more inside them than is visible from the outside.

Ruth encouraging tip: You don’t have to go through this alone! It’s okay to need help!

I did not choose the topics of anxiety and panic attacks. But by having to experience first-hand how these things can rob your strength and joy in life, I want to encourage others:

You are not worth going through something like this alone. Consult someone. Seek professional help. Say yes to medication if there is no other way. Asking for help is not weak; on the contrary, it is true strength. Go forward step by step and celebrate each one. And even if it takes you back one or two, it is a precious part of your life and part of your story with which you can encourage and build others. Tell it!

Photo: Ruth

It’s really okay not to be okay and we hope this article has made you even more this article has made you even more aware of that. How do you deal with taboo topics? Can you talk about it? Who or what helps you with that?

If you feel alone or you have worries: We have compiled important telephone numbers and contact points for you, which you can use anonymously and free of charge at any time:

Number against sorrow:

For children and adolescents: Phone: 116111

For parents – telephone: 0800 111 055 0

Telephone counselling:

Telephone: 0800 111 0 111 or 0800 111 0 222 or 116 123.

Chat, e-mail and other counselling services are available here

Help hotline “Violence against women”:

Telephone: 0800 0 116 016

Chat, e-mail and other counselling services in several languages can be found here.

u25 Gelsenkirchen and Germany – crisis help via chat:

Young people help young people with life crises and suicidal thoughts in a chat.

Help hotline “Pregnant women in distress”:

Phone: 0800 011 6016

pro familia:

Phone: 0221 122087 (Counselling Center Cologne Center).

Online or personal counselling after miscarriage or stillbirth

intombi for girls – how you can be partof it!

👉 We are also interested in your story! In our #girlsforgirls online passion magazine we present you every week exciting and super strong young women, projects and important tips, around a passion. We call this week PassionWeek! 🤩 For a successful start into the future – according to our motto #girlsforgirls !👭💕🌍 Contact us and become the author of your life story – info@intombi.de

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Become an author – How to write your own book
With my art I create self-love and female empowerment

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